Tuesday, June 3, 2008

11 Commandments for Anil Ambani

I am seriously considering a career move. I think there’s more of a future in management consultancy than civil engineering. If my experience with Reliance managers is any indication, then Reliance is tottering on the brink of a huge battle against disgruntled and dissatisfied customers like me. HR in Reliance seems to be an alien concept. I’ll introduce it and teach some manners to its employees and Anil Ambani will pay me millions for revolutionizing HR practices in his stinking company. Then I can write a book about it, which will earn more millions for me (Since it will be heavily priced, good advice doesn’t come free, you know!). My book will probably become a ‘Must-Read’ for wannabe HR Managers! Whoa, my life is set!

My Eleven Commandments for Anil Ambani

  1. Thou will concentrate more on increasing quality of products rather than negotiating expensive deals will foreign companies.
  2. Thou will not give any more false promises.
  3. Thou will teach employees how to count.
  4. Thou will teach employees some basic manners and not take customers for granted.
  5. Thou will not allow employees to take very long lunch breaks and keep customers waiting.
  6. Thou will be responsible for its franchisees and make rules to keep a detailed record.
  7. Thou will fire the employee who was rude and unprofessional to this author.
  8. Thou will not hire robots for replying to mails sent to customer care (or the 'service assurance' cell for that matter).
  9. Thou will pay a million dollars for this advice.
  10. Thou will give this author’s money back.
  11. Thou will insist on providing free unlimited internet access for the next five years for this author who has been wronged.

Well, if any one of you has had bad experiences with Reliance, then do tell me. We’ll sit together on weekends and crib over Reliance and make an Orkut community ‘I HATE RELIANCE’.

P.S. Free autographed copies of my book ‘How I made Reliance reliable’ (A Soon-to-be Best seller) to the person who comes up with an excellent four letter word for Reliance! :-)

1 comment:

The Big K said...

Alright!

So, I was not the chosen one! Forming communities on Orkut won't help as Anil is too busy to Orkut. Writing blog posts *might* help as it shows up on google search pages.

I liked your weaselish attitude towards making money. I'm sure it must have come from reading dilbert books & daily strips. Keep up the good job. I'm sure your book because I enjoy signing blank pages.

May you get your 2.8k bucks back asap.